How to stop suffering the question of “what people say?”

Someone unflattering about your habit of sitting late and added that because of this you have problems with memory? Worry what those we value are thought about us is quite normal. But if it holds you in constant tension or makes you adapt to other people’s expectations, it’s time to do something. Psychologist Ellen Hendricksen advises how to stop worrying about what people will say.

They say a good word heals, but evil cripples. Suppose today you heard 99 compliments and one reproach. Guess that you will scroll in your head, trying to fall asleep?

To worry about how they relate to us is quite natural – especially when we are talking about those we love and respect. Moreover, this tendency is firmly fixed in the mind: just a few centuries ago, exile was considered the worst of possible punishments. Our ancestors needed society primarily for survival and tried with all their might to maintain a good reputation.

But back in our time. Today, our food and shelter do not depend on a certain group of people, but we still cannot do without them, because we need involvement and support. However, take a chance to ask any self-help guru whether to worry about what others think of us, and you will almost certainly get a bunch of instructions on how to stop taking care of someone else’s opinion.

Most likely, you want to hear constructive criticism from those who are important to you, but at the same time move away from gossip

And this is the problem: the majority of tips on the topic “How to stop worrying” sound so contemptuous and arrogant that they are tempting to roll their eyes and exclaim: “Oh, everything!”Moreover, there is a suspicion that such advisers are just worried, what others think about them, otherwise why would they fiercely deny it.

Let’s look for a middle ground. Most likely, you want to hear constructive criticism from those who are important for you, but at the same time move away from gossip, slander and familiarity from outsiders. Of course, envious people and spitens will not go anywhere, but here are nine ways to throw their opinions out of their heads.

1.Determine who you really value

Our brain loves to exaggerate. If he whisper that people will condemn you, everyone will think about you badly or someone will raise the noise, ask yourself: who exactly? What is so. Make a list of people whose opinion worries you. As you can see, “everything” was reduced to the boss and the chatty secretary, and this is far from all. It is much easier to deal with it.

2.Listen whose voice sounds in your head

If condemnation scares you even in cases where nothing of the kind is expected, think about who taught you to be afraid. As a child, you often heard the alarmed “What will the neighbors say?”Or” It is better not to do this, acquaintances will not understand “? Perhaps the desire to please everyone was transmitted from the elders.

But there is good news: you can unlearn any memorized harmful convictions. Over time and practice, you will be able to replace “what the neighbors will say” with “others are so busy with themselves that they have no time to think about me”, or “most people are indifferent to us,” or “only a few are so interested in someone else’s life that theyspend their gossip “.

3.Do not succumb to protective reflex

If the inner voice persistently commands: “Defend yourself!”, Implying that this is the only way to react to any criticism, do something unusual: loosen and listen. If we instantly erect a defensive wall, everything bounces from it: both reproaches and claims, and good comments and useful tips. Catch every word, and then decide whether it is worth taking what has been taken seriously.

4.Pay attention to the form

Appreciate those who do not spare time to make constructive comments in a polite and tactful form. Say, someone carefully criticizes your work or act, but not you, or dilutes criticism with praise-listen carefully, even if in the end you do not use advice.

But if the interlocutor passes to persons or expenses dubious compliments in the spirit “Well, at least you tried”, feel free to ignore his opinion. If someone does not consider it necessary to at least slightly soften the claims, let him leave them with him.

5.If people condemn you, this does not mean that they are right

It must be remembered that private opinion is not the truth in the last instance. It is not necessary to agree with opponents. However, if the vague feeling does not leave that they are right in something, use the next advice.

6.Keep calm or at least make a calm face

Even if “steam comes from the ears”, there are two reasons not to rush into a counterattack. With your correct behavior you achieve two goals. Firstly, from the outside it seems as if rudeness and rudeness do not concern you-any random witness will impress such an endurance. Secondly, this is an occasion to be proud of yourself: you have not sank to the level of the offender.

7.Think about how to cope with what can happen

Our brain often hangs in the regime of the worst script: “If I am late, everyone will hate me”, “I will definitely ruin everyone and scold me”. If the imagination is constantly slipping all kinds of disasters, think about what to do if the nightmare becomes a reality. Who to call? What to do? How to fix it? When you assure yourself that you are able to cope with any, even the most difficult, situation, the worst and unlikely script becomes not so terrible.

8.Remember that your attitude towards you may change

People are unstable, and today’s opponent may turn out to be an ally tomorrow. Remember how the voting results from the elections to the elections are changing. How fashion trends come and go. Only one thing is constantly – changes. Your business is to hold on your views, and other people’s opinions can change as much as you like. The day will come when you find yourself on a horse.

9.Call a challenge to your beliefs

Those who are too disturbed by someone else’s opinion are dragging the burden of perfectionism on themselves. It often seems to them that only one who is ideal in all respects is protected from inevitable criticism. Here’s how to get rid of this belief: specially make a couple of errors and see what will happen. Send a letter with a deliberate typo, create an awkward pause in a

Πρόκειται να πάτε για διακοπές και να φοβηθείτε να αρρωστήσετε. Μελέτες δείχνουν ότι το φύλο μπορεί πραγματικά να ενισχύσει levitra αγορα ανοσοποιητικό σύστημα. Έτσι, αν ανησυχείτε για το κρύο, κάντε σεξ. Φυσικά, το σεξ δεν μπορεί να είναι αποτελεσματικό ως φάρμακα, αλλά αυτό είναι σίγουρα ένας πιο ενδιαφέρον τρόπος για να αποφευχθεί.

conversation, ask the seller in a building materials store where they have sunscreen cream. So you will find out what happens when you are mistaken: nothing.

You are your most strict critic. This is reasonable, because we are talking about your life. But each person on the planet is also extremely interested in his own life, which means that no one is fixed on you. Therefore, relax: criticism happens, but treat it as a home sale: grab all the most rare and valuable, and the rest as they want.


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